Welcome back, my lovely readers. Last week I introduced a new blog series on writing consent in romantic (and sexy) fiction. We looked at a basic example of fictional consent in an excerpt from my Suspian Narnia fanfiction.

This week, I want to discuss what not to do when writing consent into fictional scenes. What exactly makes people think of consent as a mood-killer? What are some common mistakes writers make in our own romance or sex scenes?

Don’t ignore the concept

Some writers choose not to address consent at all. ‘Just write whatever you want and don’t worry what other people think.’ It’s good writing advice in general, and great for first drafts, but ignoring the concept of consent when you’re posting or publishing your writing is a mistake.

There are erotic and romantic stories in which a lack of consent is a part of the sexual or escapist appeal. Some readers and writers enjoy what is referred to a “non-con,” or nonconsensual, fiction. This can include certain subsets of BDSM writing and rape fantasies. The key thing I want to point out here is that the lack of consent in these fictional exchanges is an intentional choice by the writer. The lack of consent is part of the point of the scene. While these readers and writers enjoy the fantasy, they also recognize the distinction between fiction and reality.

This is not the same as simply ignoring the idea of consent altogether. Either commit to writing an actively non-consensual scene as part of the story, or decide how you’re going to write and handle consent. Don’t just leave it out. As @WillemVerheij85 said to me on Twitter, “Consent does not have to be verbal, but there needs to be a moment where the other shows enthusiasm for advances made.” (We’ll cover body language, nonverbal communication, and context in next week’s blog post.)

Don’t assume one size fits all

This is where a lot of mistakes are made. One great example of consent in fiction is showing the characters verbally asking for permission to proceed physically and communicating throughout the scene. It’s also good to show honest, realistic depictions and conversations about things like protection and contraception.

However. Many writers new to the conversation about consent in fiction seem to believe this is the only “socially acceptable” way to handle consent, or that this is what’s expected every time we talk about consent in storytelling. That is far from the truth.

Context, setting, and characterization all matter and affect how you write the scene. Some characters are more likely to be shy and quiet and use nonverbal communication and encouragements (see next week’s post for more on this). Sometimes the setting requires more creative communication — say, if two characters are in a place where they must be absolutely quiet but still want to get it on. Characters already in an established relationship will communicate consent differently than characters who are kissing or having sex for the first time. There are probably hundreds of different ways to write consent in a healthy, positive depiction.

Don’t use bad writing as a scapegoat

Sometimes, romance and sex scenes suck. Actually, a lot of written sex scenes out there are flat-out terrible. Some of these literary disasters include consent. But that does not mean the inclusion of consent is what made the scene bad.

Sex on the page can be cringeworthy, laughable, or off-putting. A lot of people are just bad at writing sex, for any number of reasons. I’ve seen people online point to examples of these horrible, unsexy, unintentionally hilarious scenes (which happen to include consent) and go, “See? Consent kills the mood! Consent ruins the fantasy!” and similar claims.

A scene writing consent badly doesn’t give you an excuse to leave out consent entirely. It’s just one example of how not to write consent (and sex in general).

More resources

To read more about the conversation surrounding consent and romance novels, I recommend the following articles:

• Romance and the Language of Consent by Jami Gold
• What bad-sex novels can teach us about consent and harassment by Sibbie O’Sullivan
• How to Write Consent in Romance Novels by Hannah Giorgis

Don’t forget to check back next week for part three in this series, when we’ll discuss context, body language, and nonverbal communication. I post every Tuesday and Saturday. Subscribe to my email list to never miss an update!