Guess what? My birthday is in one month! Quarter of a century! A big one? Maybe? I think? Okay.

I’ll be honest. 2020 sucked. If I had to pick the highlight of my year, I would say the Roaring 20s New Year’s Eve party I hosted, and that was technically mostly in 2019. I think everyone left by 1 a.m.

The best part of my 2020 was the first hour. All downhill from there.

Part of what made this year so hard was the pandemic, of course. But there were a lot of other factors. I’ll be wrapping up my year still unemployed, newly diagnosed with IBS, living with my partner’s parents. (They’re great, I just wish I could afford to be an adult again.) Looking back at my bucket lists and life goals and the five-year plan I started in November 2019 is a bummer; things definitely did not go according to any plan.

“X things to do before X age” is a super popular theme for blog posts and magazine articles and listicles. I’m doing my own version. This isn’t a list of things I think you should do with your life (unless you want to, you do you). It’s definitely not a list of goals or anything I’m working toward. No, I needed something else. Something a little more encouraging, a little more positive.

This is a list of 25 things I have already accomplished, planned or not, before my 25th birthday. Celebrating all the wins today.

1. Donated to charity.

This is one that pops up on a lot of “25 before 25” lists online. I don’t have the income to make regular donations, but I am proud of the contributions I made when I moved away from a small town. All the furniture, clothes, and even some real gold jewelry I needed gone before moving, I gave to a local thrift store that supports a women’s shelter. I learned about the shelter while working as a news reporter and wanted to support the women I met there.

2. Went to (many) concerts.

Another common internet recommendation is to attend a concert. I’m not sure why this is a life goal for so many people, but it sure is fun! I saw Taylor Swift (and opener Vance Joy) in Indianapolis with my cousin during her 1989 tour, which was a major production with amazing dancers and lighting. My favorite concert experience, though, is every Todrick Hall show. Anytime he’s touring anywhere near me, I immediately buy tickets.

I first saw Todrick during his second Straight Outta Oz tour at Purdue University. I drove two hours each direction to see him, alone, on a weeknight. And I got to meet him! I took pictures with Todrick and my favorite of his dancers, Eliza (we had the same haircut, the side shave!) I saw him again in Indianapolis for his Forbidden tour (and got another picture), then in St. Louis for his Haus Party tour. Once the pandemic lifts, I’m sure he’ll have another tour soon — and I’ll be buying my ticket the day sales open.

3. Wrote multiple books.

Not only have I written a book, I have (1) written multiple complete books, and (2) published multiple books!

Only one of my books is currently in print, but the others were still accomplishments and important steps in my writing journey. My first book, Sixteen, was a success for a debut self-published novella. I made a profit off of it, which is more than I can say for book two, Rain in December, a collection of (mediocre to terrible) poetry. Book three, World of Shadows, is a Beauty and the Beast retelling, and the first book of a series I do plan to eventually complete. I look back at its writing and know I’d do it differently (better) now, but it’s still a decent book and was my best work at the time. Just shows how I’ve improved as a writer over time.

Then, of course, there’s the books I haven’t published. My first completed works included a “novel” about a kidnapped girl falling in love with her kidnapper’s brother (written in cursive in a brown paper notebook at age… 10? 12?) and a children’s chapter book about talking rats. This year, I have finished three new first drafts — one of which will be available to buy in early 2021. Stay tuned!

4. Volunteered.

In college, I dabbled in a few volunteering ventures. I worked with an after-school kids program my freshman year, and cleaned litter boxes and dog bowls at the Humane Society during a break. I’m scheduled to begin training in January for a more long-term volunteer commitment.

5. Saw a musical.

One of my favorite movies is Cinderella — not the live-action remake, not the original cartoon, but the Disney movie version of Rodgers & Hammerstein’s musical, often called the “rainbow Cinderella.” The set and costumes are famously bright and colorful, but more importantly, the movie stars the singer Brandy alongside Whoopi Goldberg, Whitney Houston, Jason Alexander, Bernadette Peters, and my childhood heartthrob, Paolo Montalbán.

A theater in Indianapolis was showing the original Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella, so I went with my aunt. It wasn’t quite as magical as Brandy and Paolo, but it was cool to see a live musical.

I’m not the musical theater nerd that many of my friends are, but I’d love to see Phantom of the Opera, Hamilton, Wicked, and especially Frozen someday. Seeing Frozen would be awesome. (Don’t judge me. It’s a great movie.)

6. Built a savings account.

One of those boring but oh-so-necessary practical adulting steps. It’s not much, but at least I can say I have a savings account with money in it.

7. Learned to cook.

I’m not sure how this happened, but I’m actually a really good cook? I can make substitutions without looking them up. I can toss leftovers together and make something awesome. I can “wing it” at dinner, from scratch, and it’s edible. And I can do all of that while keeping it gluten-free, dairy-free, and healthy. When did this happen??

In high school and college, most of what I made came from boxes. Now the only boxes I buy are pasta, cereal, and specialty gluten-free mixes. I even roasted the Thanksgiving turkey last year. And when I make dinner now, I usually try to plan for a serving of leftovers for tomorrow’s lunch… but apparently it’s so good, there’s never any left.

8. Learned yoga.

This one I owe entirely to Yoga with Adriene on YouTube. I’ve had an interest in yoga for a while, but didn’t start trying it seriously until after a breakup in 2018. Now it’s a staple in my life.

9. Went gluten- and dairy-free.

Let’s get something straight: these are not something that everyone should do. I hate websites that encourage a one-size-fits-all approach to food. Every body is different, with different nutritional and dietary needs. But, as it turns out, I have gluten and dairy intolerance (and IBS.) There was a time in late 2018/early 2019 when I considered going gluten-free and believed it entirely impossible. Actually, the first time I tried was an utter disaster. But, hand in hand with learning to cook, I made it to where I am now: easily, happily gluten free. I’d never even want to go back.

10. Own a pet.

Remember this guy? Yeah, I’ve always wanted an animal of my own. I did picture a cat, but hey, Parker is 7 pounds and won’t leave me alone, so he basically counts. (He’s got an Instagram! www.instagram.com/parkerfluffybutt)

11. In a D&D group.

While I always pictured myself more a book club person than a D&D enthusiast, I’ve been playing Dungeons and Dragons for around a year and DMing (running the game) via Roll20 since March. It’s a lot of fun! D&D is the perfect mix of structured group activity, consistent social life, and broad creative outlet.

12. Opened investments.

Back to the responsible adulting: I have a retirement plan, with money and everything. I won’t exactly be retiring early, but I have an IRA. That’s more than many 20-somethings can say.

13. Keep a journal.

I always wanted to be one of those people with a daily diary. I tried a lot as a kid, but got bored. In middle school I did keep a semi-consistent journal which helped me survive a severe depressive period (this was many years before my bipolar diagnosis, but hindsight is 20/20). I dropped the habit in high school, but picked it back up in college and never looked back. I’ve got at least 5 or 6 full journals on the shelf, and one always with me for when the writing itch hits.

14. Learned to set boundaries.

Part of going to therapy and keeping journals for six+ years is constantly working on self-improvement. There’s always something to learn, some action you can take to improve your life, clean up your thought process, support your own health, etc.

One major thing I think many people struggle with is setting boundaries. The ideas that “No” is a complete sentence, and you are not the bad guy for enforcing the healthy boundaries you’ve set in your life, are hard for us to internalize. I’ve made a lot of progress on that.

15. Made a five-year plan.

This is one thing that constantly came up in college, and still comes up in job interviews. “Where do you want to be in five years?” I never know what to say. I sat down and made my first real attempt at a five-year plan in November 2019. I’m sure you can all guess how well year one went.

This month I revamped the whole thing for a new, 2021-2025 life plan. It’s less detailed than my first try, and focused only on the most important highlights. We’ll see how this draft fares…

16. Keep a budget.

This one is basic, and self-explanatory. I track our household income and expenses and update those at least a couple times a month, using Google Sheets because we cheap.

17. Experimented with my hair.

Bangs. Purple (stripe). Blue (stripe). Side shave. Shaved head. I’ve had so much fun with my hair since I got my “Claudia Donovan” haircut (a character from Warehouse 13) as a college freshman. The side shave was definitely my favorite look, which is why I’ve returned to it now.

18. Maintained a household.

I can’t say this one in present tense, on account of life changes and the pandemic leading to us living with family. But from summer 2018 through fall 2020, I did indeed manage my own household. The cleaning, the grocery shopping, the decorating, choosing and arranging furniture, picking the color of the curtains, setting the thermostat — it was allllll mine.

19. Self care.

This isn’t the kind of thing I think anyone can say they’ve completely mastered. It’s one of those ever-changing life skills. But as a person with chronic physical and mental illnesses, I hear “I could never do (this thing you do)” or similar sentiments (“you’re so brave,” “how do you do it?” etc.) a lot. In the past, I’ve always replied, “I don’t have a choice.” Except. I do. Taking care of myself and prioritizing my health is a choice I make.

I can’t choose to be healthy, or to not have these illnesses. I don’t have that choice. But I do decide whether to ignore my needs and let my body deteriorate and control me — or to accept what I’ve got to work with and maximize my unique health and abilities.

I schedule and attend the specialist appointments. I fill out the mountains of paperwork. I do research, and fill prescriptions, and keep up my daily medication schedule. (You’d be surprised how many medications have to be taken spaced out from each other — this one at breakfast, that one at lunch, the 3:30 pill, the bedtime meds…) I show up for weekly therapy, and do the mental and emotional work to implement what we discuss there.

It’s ugly, hard, un-fun work that nobody wants to do. But I was wrong before. I do have a choice. And I’ve built the life I have by making that hard choice, every month and week and day.

20. Tried a different faith.

I grew up in a hyper-sheltered, ultra-conservative fundamentalist religious environment — one that many of us who’ve left consider a cult. I know that specific brand of theology and church history to an impressive extent, but I knew embarrassingly little about anything else.

I started branching out in college — first with nondenominational Christian churches (not for me), then the Episcopal church, which felt like home for a while. But still, I’d never peeked outside the Christian sphere. In 2020, I decided to change that.

This year, I’ve read and learned a lot about pagan faiths. I read a book about Wicca, which has some surprisingly positive teachings alongside troubling ideas of gender. I celebrated the pagan holidays of Imbolc, Ostara, Beltane, and Litha, using decorations, recipes, and traditions I learned about from various pagan faiths online. I joined a local pagan Facebook group. And I learned to practice real magic — health spells and full moon rituals, for example — and read Tarot.

There’s a lot more about spirituality, faith, and religion I want to learn. I’ve borrowed some books on Buddhism I’m excited to read. I might pick up the Quran next year. I don’t know what my personal faith or religion is anymore, but I do think learning about the diversity of faiths across humanity has enriched my life.

Plus, I’m quite fond of my mini purple-and-gold Tarot deck.

21. Voted.

Pre-college, the only politics I cared about was my cringe phase of misguided pro-life activism. I remember the family watching the 2008 election results, but all I really recall is that we were folding laundry, and I was bored.

Then I grew up. I learned how things like taxes and infrastructure affect real lives. I made friends who are gay or Black or have undocumented immigrant family members or had an abortion. I came out as bisexual, and later as genderqueer. I can’t imagine ever not caring about politics again.

I voted for Clinton in 2016. It wasn’t a great option, but it felt like the only option. I voted in my local 2018 elections, which I also covered as a news reporter in our small town. And, of course, I voted for Biden-Harris this year. I have more faith in their abilities than some of my friends, but their win gives all of us some level of hope for the future.

22. Got tattoos.

I’m inked! I love them all.

My artist is Craig Moorman, currently at Permanence Tattoo Gallery in Anderson, Indiana. Find him on Instagram: www.instagram.com/creggkilla.

23. Visited a gay bar.

This one was anticlimactic, but still fun. Since coming out, I’d always wanted to go to a gay bar. I’m not much for bars in general, but that’s the iconic queer scene, a gay bar. I even wrote a story/paper in college set in an 80s gay disco bar.

In 2019, some of my friends gathered in Muncie for an evening, and we decided to hit the bar scene. We visited the main local bar first, but it was pretty empty. After sharing stories around a booth (including one friend’s insane adventures at Oktoberfest in Germany), I convinced the others to check out a gay bar nearby.

It was dead, but we got drinks and did some dancing anyway. We had the floor to ourselves. We did meet a drunk, middle-aged lesbian who seemed to think the four of us girls were all there as dates for the one guy in the group (whose one girlfriend, ironically, was at home). Apparently we appeared to be some big polyamorous glob, which we found highly amusing considering the actual dynamics of our group. (Poly relationships are valid, that just wasn’t what was going on.) She made a lot of jokes about getting girls before we escaped the awkwardness.

24. Went to Pride (of two varieties).

Another major queer milestone for me was attending Pride parades. In 2016, I, my then-girlfriend, and a close friend carpooled to Chicago. That was the Pride of infamy: condom company floats, shirtless men in Speedos, packets of lube thrown to the crowd. There was music and excitement, and I brought home rainbow beads and an airplane whistle (along with a wicked sunburn).

In 2019, my best friend and I joined some of her friends in Indianapolis for Indy Pride. This was a much more family-friendly parade. Drag queens gathered on library floats, and aging gay men drove beautiful old cars. Huge groups of employees from corporate sponsors danced along in matching brightly-colored shirts. At that parade, I collected stickers, more beads, and a lot of stray glitter. The parade was still going when we finally left after three hours.

25. Host my own author website.

Maybe it’s cheesy to finish by talking about my author website here, on my author website. But I’ve been blogging since freshman year of high school in 2010. Not until late 2019 did I have my own, paid, self-hosted website. It feels like one of those “I’m a real, professional author!” moments.

Today is about celebrating accomplishments, and for me, this website is a big one.